Tip of the week
Marriage Check-up
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Tip of the Week: Don't put off asking for help.
A few weeks ago, I ran into a woman that had recovered from breast cancer. She was meeting with a family that had just lost their mother to the disease. Afterwards, she told me privately that the reason she was spared the same fate as her friend was they caught it early. Every year she went in for an exam and it was during one of those exams that they caught it. There is an 80% recovery rate if it is caught before it spreads to the lymph glands.
Like with breast cancer, many marriages meet their doom because people wait too long to seek out help. A constant complaint among marriage counselors and mentors is that couples wait too long before they call. For instance, one couple that Lee Ann and I are mentoring now are headed for a divorce that could have been prevented if they had called us six months ago. Their procrastination has allowed their problems to cement, and now, it's next to impossible for them to break out..
If you are struggling in your marriage, don't be afraid to reach out for help. Call us at 1-877-866-4372 and ask to meet with a mentor couple.
Tip of the Week: Give your marriage a purpose.
The dog has a nasty habit that's getting annoying.
As many of you know, we have a Champion English Cocker. He's a fabulous hunting dog that has developed a nasty habit of grabbing a pair of dirty socks from the laundry and then protecting them in dinning room. He will place them between his front paws and literally growl and anyone that walks by. He'll even start barking if you attempt to take them from him.
I talked to a dog breeder about the phenomenon and he just laughed. He said he's created something to do with his life. He went on to explain that dogs need to feel like they have a purpose, and if you don't give him a purpose, the dog will develop one himself. In this case, he's protecting his toy. He believes that as a dog gets older, which he is, they need a purpose or they lose the will to live.
I'm not so sure that doesn't happen with people. We need a reason to live. That's one of the good things about marriage; it gives us a reason to live. Combining our efforts to make both our lives better is one of the great purposes of our marriages that is a whole lot better than protecting a pair of dirty old socks.
Tip of the Week: Say sweet things.
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
Sniping begets sniping. Throwing verbal jab tempts our spouse into throwing them back. This in turn causes you to want to throw another one, only this time with a little more force. And so it goes, and if it goes unchecked, can lead to someone getting hurt.
On the other hand, affirmation begets affirmation. If I give a compliment to my wife she is likely to give a compliment back. One of the best ways to prevent sniping from getting out of control is to determine not to let it get started in the first place. And instead determine to only affirm your spouse.
