How to Save Your Marriage after Infidelity

Few things damage a relationship to the extent of an extra-marital affair. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen discusses that once an affair has occurred, there are certain steps you can take to re-establish trust and build a stronger and better marriage.
When both partners are equally committed to repairing the marriage, with dedication, hard-work, and honesty, it is possible to save your marriage.

The first step is to apologize. This opens the door to getting past the hurt. The apology should be genuine. Take responsibility for your actions and make no excuses or put blame on someone else.

Then, listen to your spouse. This will be very painful for both of you. No matter how difficult it is to hear their feelings of hurt, disgust and anger, you need to listen until they have said their peace. Your shame and guilt will be ever present through this process, but do not interrupt. This communication must take place if you want to your marriage to prevail.

You must discuss some details of your infidelity. Though this will cut you both deeply, your spouse deserves to know why you felt the need to stray and how it actually came to happen. By identifying why it happened, you may be able to work on the issue and prevent an affair from occurring again.

Changing your lifestyle is important. How you interact with the opposite sex is now under a microscope. Your old behaviors and patterns are now probably no longer acceptable to your spouse. Creating new boundaries (for example not being alone with a member of the opposite sex) and sticking to them without complaint will show you are willing to get through this and put your marriage first. If you want to save your marriage you must earn back your spouse’s trust.

Furthermore, be willing to listen to your spouse’s requests or suggestions. For instance, being open to marriage counseling will also go a long way in your partner’s eyes. Discussing these lifestyle changes with your spouse is the next step. They are able to see what you have done in order to save your marriage. They can tell you what changes are helpful and what needs to be changed.

You must acknowledge that your marriage is not going to repair itself overnight. Time and effort are the only things that are going to heal your relationship. Be patient and if you are both making an effort to work things out, eventually your marriage will reap the benefits.

Source: psychology.suite101.com. “Overcoming your Marital Infidelity: How to Save your Marriage after Cheating on your Partner.” Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

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