Healthy Marriage

Sex for most people is hard-wired: “Doing what comes naturally.” So why is there so much dysfunction, and more importantly, how do we overcome dysfunction?  

I like to think of sex like fire: powerful, exciting, and HOT!  And potentially deadly!

Like a fire in a fireplace, sex in a healthy marriage can and should bring beauty and life-sustaining warmth to our homes.  But like fire that gets outside the fireplace, sex outside the husband-wife boundaries can cause harm and even death.

A fireplace or hearth necessarily has certain measurements or confines.  Anyone who has experienced loss due to fire damage can testify to the benefits of containing an open flame within a structure built for that very purpose.

The fireplace of sex is marriage.  Marriage brings together male and female, husband and wife, and the complementary accoutrements of each.  Only within this committed relationship (or hearth), can sex ultimately benefit men and women in acts of selfless love and respect. In the covenant of marriage, a husband and wife pledge to be faithful to each other, forsaking all others, as long as they both shall live. Forsaking all others means their sexuality is exclusive to each other, confining and containing it to their relationship.  This promise means actively avoiding all illegitimate sexuality.  Pornography, fantasies, and flirting with someone other than your spouse creates “smoke damage” that affects everyone in your home.

When you boil it down, love is a commitment of the will towards the true good of another.  If you think of lovemaking that way, thinking how you can strive for the true good of your spouse rather than yourself, healthy sexuality will flourish in your marriage.  You won’t fall into chronic selfishness, thinking that “my spouse doesn’t live up to my expectations” or “I’ve got other things to do right now.”   If you view your sexuality as a gift that you offer your spouse for their good, it can’t help but stay within the confines of the covenant relationship and heat up your marriage.

Keep it regular and keep it hot, by keeping it between the two of you!  Seek counsel from trusted mentor couples.  From kindling a new fire to stamping out illicit old flames, call mentor couples who are trained (and experienced) in dealing with all manners of dysfunction.  Call the fire department if sexuality in your life or marriage has gotten out of the fireplace and is doing damage.

Written by :

Stephanie Blair

 

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written by Becky, May 13, 2009

I agree with you Chuck. I wish it were that easy, but sometime dysfunction is neither spouse's fault, but both spouses suffer from it. Speaking on behalf of women, we are so overwhelmed the majority of the time by our responsibilities, that we cannot find it within ourselves to enjoy a sexual experience with our husbands. And this in turn adds more stress to a woman's life. Husbands would do well to create a stress-less or stress-free environment for their wives if they value great sex! Just a thought smilies/wink.gif Here's a great article on women, stress, and finding the balance: http://stress.about.com/od/rel...alance.htm

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A little quirky
written by Hugh, May 13, 2009

While this may be true I tend to think that sex between a husband and wife not follow too many rules. With the exception of course that it only be between the two of them. While marriage is like the firepit it is also important to point out that fire also acts as a forge and new experiences are constantly formed. One of the joys of marriage is being able to explore your fantasies and dare I say erotic desires in the safety and confinement of the marital bond in which we are free.

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