Healthy Marriage

I went to the dentist yesterday and it wasn’t pretty. The doctor came in and showed me my x-ray that had two shadows that indicated that I had the first stages of two cavities. He tried to brush me off and avoid discussing the matter by mentioning that they will schedule me back for some work within the next week. That’s when the lawyer in me kicked in, and I started firing off several questions. How do you know that the shadow is a cavity and not just an anomaly in the x-ray? How much of the tooth are you going to destroy so that you can put the filing in? What kind of filing are you going to use? How are you going to make sure it sticks to the tooth and isn’t going to come out? What about the other cavities in the area? Are you going to take them out and just put them all together? How long with procedure take? The doctor was very patient and on the way out the hygienist made the comment that they usually don’t get that many questions. I told her they are my teeth, not the doctor’s! I’m responsible for them. I want to know what he’s going to do with them. So it is with our marriages. We are responsible for them. If something isn’t right, we need to do something about it. If you aren’t happy in your marriage, it doesn’t have to be that way. Call us at 1-877-866-4372 and ask to meet with a mentor couple. Ask tons of questions. Be responsible for your marriage. That’s 1-877-866-4372.

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There’s a killer of marriage out there, lurking. It is something that is even more devastating than infidelity.  It’s financial infidelity.

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Amy Grant has a line in one of her songs that says, “You don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone.”  Unfortunately, in the case of many marriages, that’s true. 

Our daughter Emily is a senior this year in high school, and for the last four years has worked hard for the school’s basketball team.  The first year they played they won only 3 games, and this year, her senior year, they had a tremendous record and even beat their ranked rivals in the state-tournament.  It was the game of the year.  Throughout the season, Emily has wished the season was over.  After last week and losing a beatable team, her season is finally over.  And now, she’s depressed, because she’s realized what she had then is now gone. 

Many couples fantasize about how good life would be without their spouse, but in reality, life wouldn’t be that different.  I’m thinking of one wife that divorced her husband and married her love interest and within one year she had the same complaints about her new husband as she had with her old husband.  Appreciate the things you have in your life.  Make them work.  Don’t be one of those that doesn’t know what they have until it’s gone. 

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Research is showing that living together doesn’t work.  This contradicts today's conventional wisdom that says living together is a great way to test out a relationship. 

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There’s great wisdom in getting to know your bride before the wedding ceremony. 

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Pope Benedict made an interesting statement on marriage, and in particular, annulments.

Pope Benedict called on the Vatican court, which rules on marriage annulments, to take a stricter line.  Basically, if you are married in the Catholic Church, you are making a serious commitment that only allows for divorce in rare occasions.  If you can’t get along with your spouse you can petition the church to have your marriage annulled, which means, the marriage was never legitimate. 

Apparently, the courts that decide whether a marriage should be annulled have been overwhelmed with cases. 
The pontiff said Vatican judges must not seek to satisfy "subjective demands" in order to arrive at an annulment "at any price."  What he’s saying is we need to make it tougher for couples to annul their marriages. 

I couldn’t agree more.  Studies have shown that when couples find it difficult to divorce they work harder on their marriage and overtime improve their relationships. 
So, the lesson here, is if you’re thinking about getting a divorce, spend the time working on your relationship.  In most cases, your marriage will improve. 

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Oh the trials of getting new TV service! 

For the last 14 years we have had the same cable company.  But lately we have been frustrated with everything, namely the increase in the fees and the service.  So, we made the decision to change service providers.  The new company came out recently to our house and installed a new system.  After the service man left, I sat down for a long afternoon of programming our favorite channels into speed dial. 

I ran across the playboy channels, and of course we didn’t subscribe to the channel, but it still came up on the screen with the option of getting it.  So I casually deleted it from the programming line-up.  I didn’t make a big deal of it.  I didn’t tell anyone, not even Lee Ann, I just removed it from view.  I didn’t commit the same mistake that a man I had counseled had made. 

When he deleted the programs he made an announcement to his family that the family could no longer watch soft porn on their televisions.  Well, the teenage boys in the family saw it as a challenge and a couple of weeks later the dad had come home to a room full of teenage boys watching exactly what they shouldn’t. 
Here are some guidelines: First, do what’s right, and second, don’t make a big deal about it.  Calling attention to it only causes people to question your motives. 

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There are a few phrases that tip off a break down in a marriage...

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A previous divorce has profound effects on a young couple.

Lee Ann and I were meeting with a couple that is planning on getting married.  They both have a previous marriage in their past, and we can see that their marital history is impacting their new marriage.  It’s no wonder that remarriages divorce at twice the normal rates. 

We were talking about their finances when problems started to emerge.  By the way, more couples fight over money than anything else.  I asked the couple if they both know how much each other has in their check book.  They looked at each other, smiled and said no.  They were planning on keeping two checkbooks, one with his money in it and one with her money in it.  You see, they were both burned through divorce, and so they wanted to keep it simple in the event that the relationship didn’t work out. 

But that’s not what marriage is.  Marriage is not two people coming together and living as one, you can do that with your college roommate.  Marriage is when two people come together and become one.  They live as one and they think as one.  Do you and your spouse think as one?  If not, why not seek out a marriage mentor that can help you think through this important issue in marriage. 

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Alright guys, I’m giving you fair warning.  After today, you have no excuse.  Don’t forget Valentine’s Day is coming in 3 weeks!

A consistent complaint that we hear after meeting with couples is that the husbands aren’t romantic enough.  Ladies, I can tell you that men just don’t think that way.  So, please don’t take it too personally.

But for you guys, I want to encourage you to try to do something romantic for your wife this year for Valentine’s Day.  And if you want a hint, I’m going to tell you what I’m doing for Lee Ann this year with the hopes that nobody tells her.

You have to know I don’t consider myself a romantic guy.  But I have found that what my wife is looking for is an effort on my part, to at least try to do something romantic.

This year I’m getting her 11 long stem roses with one silk rose and I’m having it delivered to her job by a singing quartet that will sing “My Girl”  with a note that says something like, my love will last until the last rose fades.  Corney, I know.  But I think my wife will love it that I took time to think through it.

So, guys, you’ve been warned.  Make something happen for your honey this year on Valentine’s Day.

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