Healthy Marriage

I've been learning lately how detrimental this can be to any relationship. If your sole purpose is to make someone else happy all the time you will fail. Then if your like most people you will be disappointed in yourself for failing at something you could never accomplish. If your walking around with a fear of failure or feeling like you have failed you are never going to giving your best to your relationship. Never forget most people don't expect perfection from us why should we? 1 John 4:18There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. (ESV Version)

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This is my personal summery of something I read when the Hubby an I were going through pre-marital counseling. The book was "Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts: Seven Questions to Ask Before and After You Marry " By Les and Leslie Parrott One of the chapters talked about how you react is your choice. Your spouse may say or do something very hurtful (intentionally or not) but how you react is your choice. This is something I know for a fact we can all work on. Maybe your Husband said something that truly just came out wrong, if I jump all over him we are going to have a full blown argument instead of a simple miss-understanding. Think about how you react to things your spouse says how many times your attitude or reaction has made the situation worse. See how much choosing your 'tude can help? Try it, its an everyday every moment thing that no one will ever be perfect at.

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Many spouses think they can make their marriages work without outside help.
Unfortunately, by the time they cry out for help, it’s too late. 

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Everyone should have a hobby and I think its a great idea to have one not only individually but as a couple as well. If the only thing you do together is eat and watch TV those are not hobbies. Find something you enjoy doing together and then do it. Also make sure that you get some girl time (or guy time) and have a hobby other than the one you do with your spouse. I'm shocked at how many people don't have hobbies at all. This honestly isn't healthy we all need some sort of outlet or we are going to make each other crazy. ~Amber PS this is something I do on my personal blog every week its called "Thoughts on Thursdays hope you enjoy them.

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Fatigue and stress can put a damper on holiday cheer. However if you fake a bit of enthusiasm, your disposition will improve, and you will find yourself having fun and enjoying it...whatever it may be.

My husband and I had planned to decorate our apartment for Christmas on a weeknight. When that weeknight approached, we both found ourselves tired and not very cheery at all, especially not about decorating. Getting out the boxes and sorting through the lights and ornaments was quickly becoming another chore, another thing on the list "to do." Being tired made us irritable too. John was getting on my nerves, and I was letting him know. He was feeling worse by the second, and I was too. What happened to the holiday cheer?

All the sudden it occurred to me to just fake it. That's right. I was going to trick myself, or encourage, rather, myself to be enthusiastic about this festive tree trimming. You know what? It totally worked. In just a matter of minutes, I was feeling energized by my purposed positive thinking, and I was going to make it! 

John instantly picked up on my cheery mood, and his spirit brightened. Now we were stringing lights and making silly poses for pictures. It turned out to be a lovely evening, and what was even more lovely was how our tree looked when we finished.

Interestingly enough, I learned from reading about this concept on Wikipedia that Wake Forest University did a study on 50 students to see if the "fake it 'till you make it" theory actually works.   

What Wikipedia says about "Fake it till you make it" ...
"Fake it till you make it" (also called "act as if") is a common catchphrase that means to imitate confidence so that as the confidence produces success, it will generate real confidence. The purpose is to avoid getting stuck in a self fulfilling prophecy related to one's fear of not being confident, e.g., by thinking, "I can't ask that girl out because she would sense my lack of confidence." The article How You Too Can Be an Optimist in Prevention points out, "In research at Wake Forest University, for example, scientists asked a group of 50 students to act like extroverts for 15 minutes in a group discussion, even if they didn’t feel like it. The more assertive and energetic the students acted, the happier they were". Source: Wikipedia.org.

Have you had this experience in your marriage, when you put on a happy face and ended up feeling happy? Leave your comments below for others to read.

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He taught us to embrace the cold:  a lesson that, until recently, my wife and I had forgotten.

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Ever feel like everything is going wrong?

I got a call from a friend that was just in an accident.  He was wondering if I could come and give him some assistance.  When I arrived at the scene of the accident, it was apparent that an older man had tried to pull out in front of my friend in an attempt to go the wrong way down a one-way street.  Clearly it was the older gentleman’s fault. The officer estimated about $1500 worth of damage to each of the vehicles.

My friend was clearly depressed and he simply said, "Why is everything going wrong for me?"

I was shocked at his response.  I said, “Wait a minute.  You spent just $300 for your car.  You’re not hurt.  The guy that pulled out in front of you isn’t hurt.  The insurance company is going to give you a new front end to your car or give you at least $1,500, and you think everything is going wrong?  What would have happened if you would have killed that guy, or if he didn’t have insurance or worse yet, what would you have said if you were the one killed?”

He smiled and simply said, “I guess I wouldn’t be complaining, cause I’d be dead.”  He got my point.  Things can always be worse.  If you are going around thinking everything is as bad as it can be, you need to change your ways. That kind of thinking will sour your marriage and your relationships.  Recognize the good around you and be thankful for that!

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Romance can last. It doesn’t have to fade over time. Many believe that the longer a couple is married the less romance they have in their marriage. New research reported in USA Today found that doesn’t need to be the case. New brain scans of people who say they are still in love after decades of marriage are similar to scans of those who have just fallen in love, leading researchers to conclude that long-term relationships can be just as passionate and romantic as new love.

"We're confident it's real," says psychologist Arthur Aron of the State University of New York-Stony Brook, one of the researchers involved in the study. "That's what the brain scans are telling us. People can't fake that."

"If you ask people around the world whether romantic love can last, they'll roll their eyes and say 'probably not,' and most textbooks say that, too. We're proving them wrong," says anthropologist Helen Fisher of Rutgers University, a co-author. Couples view partners as central to their lives; they continue to want connection and engagement and maintain a sexual liveliness.

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Many couples struggle in their relationship because they fail to realize that their differences are merely a difference in style.

About 20 years ago, I was asked to do pre-marital counseling with a pretty unique couple. He was one of the best jazz pianists I had ever heard, and he made a pretty good living by playing at some of the great blues bars in Chicago. Doing this kind of work, it wasn’t unusual for him to come home at 3 AM and sleep until noon.

His future wife was cut out of a different bolt of cloth. She ran her own real-estate appraisal company. She was up at the crack of dawn and was in bed faithfully by 9 am. She thrived on structure. He was repelled by it. Yet, they had a happy marriage. That’s the way they ran their lives.

Certainly their differences presented different challenges but at the root of their marriage was an understanding and appreciation for their spouse’s style. They realized they needed each other to give their lives breath and life. Your spouse has a style about them and my guess is that it’s different than yours. Learn to appreciate and embrace the difference.

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It seems that there a lot of people complaining about the text messaging revolution. All in all, I think it’s a good thing.

When Lee Ann and I were dating, I would often go to McDonald's and get an apple pie and take the cardboard wrapper, put a romantic note in it and mail it to her. She would get excited about going to the mailbox and getting a special note from me.

Today, my son texts his girlfriend, and in a matter of seconds she has her message from him. What used to take days now takes only moments. Because it’s so convenient, they talk about everything. Of course their notes aren’t that long, but every day, they send dozens of messages to each together. How could this be bad?

Just yesterday, I was traveling back home when my phone went off indicating I had a text message. It was a text from Lee Ann, and she simply said that she was thinking of me and hoped I was having a great day. Here’s the point: Don’t be afraid to use the available technology to advance your marriage. For some, it will be text messaging, for others, email.

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