Never are marital difficulties so public as with celebrities. No one wants their dirty laundry aired, but fame comes with a cost. Perhaps Hollywood is not the best pace to look for examples of strong marriages, but it does provide a constant source of examples of failed marriages on public display. Like so many other journalists before and after him, New York Times Columnist David Brooks seized the opportunity on March 29, 2010 to display Sandra Bullock’s failed marriage.
Brooks’ purpose? Why, to ask an impossible question of course. In the way that comic book fans have a sadistic need to see the villain make the hero choose between saving two loved ones, Brooks wants to see us choose between the allure of fame and having a healthy marriage.
Specifically, Brooks’ poses the following question: would we “exchange a tremendous professional triumph for a severe personal blow?” In the context of his example, he is asking whether we would choose the “ultimate fame” of an Academy Award for a failed marriage? Of course, this question implies that Ms. Bullock could have prevented her marital difficulties by sacrificing all or a part of her career.
Brooks does reach an interesting conclusion, however. As he puts it, “…if you had to take more than three seconds to think about this question, you are absolutely crazy. Marital happiness is far more important than anything else in determining personal well-being. If you have a successful marriage, it doesn’t matter how many professional setbacks you endure, you will be reasonably happy. If you have an unsuccessful marriage, it doesn’t matter how many career triumphs you record, you will remain significantly unfulfilled.”
What makes his conclusion particularly interesting, however, is that Brooks claims that there is “data” to back it up. From winning the lottery to the financial success of varying nations, Brooks compares just about everything to marriage. In every circumstance, he claims that marriage is more important. He found, in his article, that “The daily activities most associated with happiness are sex, socializing after work, and having dinner with others.” Somewhat unsurprisingly, “The daily activity most injurious to happiness is commuting.” Being married, however, “…produces a psychic gain equivalent to more than $100,000 a year.”
Perhaps his data and conclusions seem preposterous at first blush, and perhaps they still do after a thorough review. On the other hand, returning to his original question, and assuming it actually was within her power to choose, do you suppose Sandra Bullock would have chosen to win the Academy award or to save her marriage? It’s a difficult question that many people face: career or marriage? Before you answer, you might read Mr. Brooks’ article for yourselves. Click here to read the article.
Source: “The Sandra Bullock Trade." David Brooks, Op-Ed Columnist. New York Times. March 29, 2010; pg.A-25, New York Ed.
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