The more marriages that I see slip into the abysmal realm of apparent helplessness, the more I am convinced that the road there was long, slippery, and not clearly marked.
When a couple reaches the end of that road, that is when they do one of three things: (1) live a life of marital misery; (2) get help; or (3) get a divorce. A divorce is fairly easy to obtain these days. Throw a few dollars at the right attorney, and you are set. Of course, with any divorce, there will be at least some pain and stress involved. Saving the marriage, another possibility, can be difficult as well. Saving a marriage requires a specific, strenuous decision and a lot of hard work. The most desirable option, then, would be to prevent the marriage from traveling down that long, dark road in the first place.
So how do we do that? How do we keep a marriage, our own or any other, from slipping down that dark and dangerous road? At the risk of sounding overly simplistic, I believe a huge part of the answer is to keep the romance alive. Now, before you start sending me emails, let me say that I know there are many things that must be dealt with and maintained for a relationship to remain healthy, but let us face it: romance is the fuel that keeps the flame burning. I never met a couple in their sunset years who said, “The one thing that kept us together was Frank’s paycheck.”
So if romance is the key, then just what is "romance?" I think romance is unique to each couple. I also think that it changes over the years. I know that I intend to spend a lifetime finding out new ways to spark the romance with my wife. What works for us today did not work when we first got married, and what works now will not work in exactly the same way in another twenty years. It may not even work next week. Romance requires each person to be willing to put his or herself aside in order to make the other one happy. It requires two people to each endeavor on the same quest: to make the other happy. It is not expensive, and it is not cheap. It is not difficult and it is not easy. Romance is simply the experience of love that fits a couple’s life in a given moment together.
Romance is very the thing that allows a couple to handle the stresses of life. It is the seal that makes good on the promise of “for better or for worse.” It is the lock that binds “in sickness and in health.” It is the magnet that brings a man and woman home to each other rather than seeking love and comfort in the arms of another. Romance is what keeps one from traveling down that long, dark, and scary road. I believe romance is a special gift that holds a couple together. Let romance thrive in your marriage.
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