Healthy Marriage

I've been thinking about what I was going to write about today, about what I've said in the past and what I have to offer in the future with these thoughts on Thursdays. I don't want to give cliche advice I want what I say to relevant not redundant and overly simple. So today I'm going to share some observations from my marriage over the last few weeks. I do better when I take time for myself. I like to do projects, crafts, scrapbook and that kind of thing. I've realized recently that I am happier and less irritable when I get something 'worthy' accomplished everyday. In the last few weeks that has included making cards, and tearing apart my bathroom. I've enjoyed my 1 on 1 time more with the hubby when I have the satisfaction of accomplishing something that day. We have also learned a little more about communication, and we will be forever learning about it, its just one of those things. The recent talk went very well it was tense at first but we both did a good job of explaining ourselves and we seem to be putting it into action. That is the key, when your spouse communicates to you somethings he or she wants or needs we need to put it into action if at all possible. If we don't they have no reason to bring things up in the future. Plus it just leads to frustration and more problems. There are just a few things I've noticed the past two weeks. Always learning, Amber

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Take time for fun and relaxation. If your always wound to tight and go, go, go its going to affect your marriage, friendship, kids and work. Try to take time everyday to wind down even if its 5 min before bed. There you have it short and sweet!

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Recent postings and revelations have lead me to find that one of my love languages is "words of affirmation" and even though I shouldn't need them to feel good about myself they still are a way of showing love. But there is no way my spouse knows that this is something I want unless I tell him. Just for a funny example, we have been playing a lot of Mario Wii its a team play game and often times right before we die one of us does something dumb to the other one. The next thing one of us says is "why did you do that?" We do best if before we start we tell the other person our plan. Same in life huh? It would just be easier if we would tell each other our game plan. Let each other know what we need to succeed. We can't expect it if they don't know what we need. I actually have not read the book "5 love languages yet" let me know if you think I should! I do believe in the whole concept though I think people do show and receive love in different ways.

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I don't care if you do it on Valentines day, your anniversary, the anniversary of your first date whatever, just celebrate your love. Take some time (even if only an hour) to focus on you as a couple what you've been through, why you feel in love in the first place, and why you love each other now. Personally, I don't want flowers on Valentines Day it feels to forced, I would take a gift that took some thought but flowers on a day your 'supposed' to get flowers is silly to me. (I realize not everyone may agree with this thought.) I would rather get a nice e-mail, from my husband or some quality face time, talking about us. What would you like to do to celebrate your love?

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Marriage is a team effort I don't think anyone would deny that. However many couple have divided up the areas that we are in charge of. She takes care of the house, he takes care of the bills and so on. Personally I want my husband involved, I want him to have an opinion. When I ask him something I want to hear his answer. That doesn't mean I will agree all of the time. But I value his opinion. Money matters are the #1 reason for conflict in a relationship (marriage or dating.) Make sure that you are on the same page with how much you want to save/spend each month. Is paying of your mortgage or other loans early a priority? What about eating out do you need to limit how often your buying dinner? This is the start of the new year and a great time to get on the same page. We don't have children but what about making sure you are in like mind about the way you discipline them as well as your expectations of them. Never forget to say I love you, and mean it! Amber

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Pictures are of great importance to me, the hubby recognizes that and even encourages it! Not only my shutterbug habits but also my scrapbooking. He likes paintball and hockey and since he has a desk job if the opportunity comes up for him to play either (and we have the time) I encourage him to go. Those two things are easy and obvious but what about the less obvious things? Hubby hates dirty dishes in the sink, I don't like them either but after cooking I'm not really in the mood to do them right away. This drives him crazy. Really what would it hurt for me to spend an extra 5-20 min doing them no instead of later? Then when he gets home he wouldn't have to see that mess first thing as he walks into the house. This would make his nights so much more relaxing. Hubby knows I cherish time with him especially when I'm sick, yesterday I was SICK. He was so good about sticking with me, checking in on me when I was sleeping. I don't think he has any idea how much that meant to me he just knew it was the right thing to do. Just making sure that we are aware of each others priorities and then making them a priority ourselves I think we could eliminate a lot of the 'everyday' frustration in marriage.

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Its so easy to do, I come home pick up the house, cook dinner, clean the kitchen, and then sit down and watch TV with my honey. Then then next night it's the same thing, It is so easy to get stuck in the same ol' same ol' every night. In my experience this leads to complacency. Complacency is a marriage killer. We need to always be striving to improve our marriage even if we think its perfect. I just recieved a comment on this post that had a very good point so I would like to make an extra observation. The reason this is bad for my spouse and I (because this is my nightly routine) is because we don't ever talk. We eat in front of the TV and then we go to bed or work on our own projects. No wonder our communication is lacking. This however is not as bad as it could be. Take the time to evaluate your own 'rut' and how it is impacting your marriage. If you are not spending anytime together (as the commenter pointed out) then obviously that is causing a problem. Thanks so much for your comment!

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No one would every call me a quite person I'm a talker there is no doubt about it but do people understand what I'm saying. There seems to be some un-written rule between the hubby and I that we can read each others minds...ummm no. Why is it that we assume that our spouse will automatically understand what we are saying and then get mad/frustrated when they don't. I don't know when you need me to move left unless you tell me to and you don't know that I'm talking about Iowa not MN unless I clarify that. It seems simple enough, why don't we just communicate more clearly?? Humm that is something I need to work on.

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Its so easy to take for granted the things your spouse does for you, they are supposed to, right? Ok in theory yes we are supposed to serve each other but that doesn't mean its easy, or that we don't want to be appreciated. Almost every night my husband makes sure I have a lunch ready to go for work the next day (if I forgot) gets the dog food ready for Cooper and makes a smoothie for both of us and puts it in the fridge. These things together easily save me 20-30 min each and every morning. But I can't remember the last time I said thank you. So don't forget to say thank you once in a while.

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Its the end of 2009 and I'm excited for 2010! This is a time for new starts and resolutions so how about this one "I resolve to make my marriage better this year." This doesn't mean its bad now but it can always get better right? Here are some ideas: 1. Have a designated time a week of quality time together (my parents have been doing this for the past few years.) 2. Look through your marriage and make a plan to improve one thing (communication anyone?) 3. Study the Bible together. 4. Find a hobby you both like to do. 5. Go out on a 'real' date more often. 6. De clutter your lives from the need of stuff. Anyone else have an idea or two?

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