Healthy Marriage

Amy Grant has a line in one of her songs that says, “You don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone.”  Unfortunately, in the case of many marriages, that’s true. 

Our daughter Emily is a senior this year in high school, and for the last four years has worked hard for the school’s basketball team.  The first year they played they won only 3 games, and this year, her senior year, they had a tremendous record and even beat their ranked rivals in the state-tournament.  It was the game of the year.  Throughout the season, Emily has wished the season was over.  After last week and losing a beatable team, her season is finally over.  And now, she’s depressed, because she’s realized what she had then is now gone. 

Many couples fantasize about how good life would be without their spouse, but in reality, life wouldn’t be that different.  I’m thinking of one wife that divorced her husband and married her love interest and within one year she had the same complaints about her new husband as she had with her old husband.  Appreciate the things you have in your life.  Make them work.  Don’t be one of those that doesn’t know what they have until it’s gone. 

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I've been thinking about what I was going to write about today, about what I've said in the past and what I have to offer in the future with these thoughts on Thursdays. I don't want to give cliche advice I want what I say to relevant not redundant and overly simple. So today I'm going to share some observations from my marriage over the last few weeks. I do better when I take time for myself. I like to do projects, crafts, scrapbook and that kind of thing. I've realized recently that I am happier and less irritable when I get something 'worthy' accomplished everyday. In the last few weeks that has included making cards, and tearing apart my bathroom. I've enjoyed my 1 on 1 time more with the hubby when I have the satisfaction of accomplishing something that day. We have also learned a little more about communication, and we will be forever learning about it, its just one of those things. The recent talk went very well it was tense at first but we both did a good job of explaining ourselves and we seem to be putting it into action. That is the key, when your spouse communicates to you somethings he or she wants or needs we need to put it into action if at all possible. If we don't they have no reason to bring things up in the future. Plus it just leads to frustration and more problems. There are just a few things I've noticed the past two weeks. Always learning, Amber

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Many of us can remember those funny commercials with the white rabbit who tried to take the children's Trix cereal. And the children just say to him, "Silly rabbit. Trix are for kids!" Well, Trix might be just for kids, but Valentine's Day is not.

This holiday which celebrates romantic love and sweethearts is not exclusive to children, but it sure feels that way sometimes. Kids give cards and candy, and flowers to their friends and sweethearts. It's a big deal at school, with decorations and parties. But what about the adults? The ones who are actually married? What are they doing to celebrate their love relationship?

Most couples just let the day pass by without any real celebration of their love. It's so ironic. Most single adults are anxiously waiting for the day when they have their "one" true sweetheart to celebrate with on Valentine's Day. Yet, married couples take it for granted.

I challenge every married couples to celebrate their love next Valentine's Day. Make a big deal about it.  Steal the show from the kids, and let everyone see how much you value and prize your marriage.

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Research is showing that living together doesn’t work.  This contradicts today's conventional wisdom that says living together is a great way to test out a relationship. 

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Take time for fun and relaxation. If your always wound to tight and go, go, go its going to affect your marriage, friendship, kids and work. Try to take time everyday to wind down even if its 5 min before bed. There you have it short and sweet!

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There’s great wisdom in getting to know your bride before the wedding ceremony. 

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Recent postings and revelations have lead me to find that one of my love languages is "words of affirmation" and even though I shouldn't need them to feel good about myself they still are a way of showing love. But there is no way my spouse knows that this is something I want unless I tell him. Just for a funny example, we have been playing a lot of Mario Wii its a team play game and often times right before we die one of us does something dumb to the other one. The next thing one of us says is "why did you do that?" We do best if before we start we tell the other person our plan. Same in life huh? It would just be easier if we would tell each other our game plan. Let each other know what we need to succeed. We can't expect it if they don't know what we need. I actually have not read the book "5 love languages yet" let me know if you think I should! I do believe in the whole concept though I think people do show and receive love in different ways.

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I don't care if you do it on Valentines day, your anniversary, the anniversary of your first date whatever, just celebrate your love. Take some time (even if only an hour) to focus on you as a couple what you've been through, why you feel in love in the first place, and why you love each other now. Personally, I don't want flowers on Valentines Day it feels to forced, I would take a gift that took some thought but flowers on a day your 'supposed' to get flowers is silly to me. (I realize not everyone may agree with this thought.) I would rather get a nice e-mail, from my husband or some quality face time, talking about us. What would you like to do to celebrate your love?

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Pope Benedict made an interesting statement on marriage, and in particular, annulments.

Pope Benedict called on the Vatican court, which rules on marriage annulments, to take a stricter line.  Basically, if you are married in the Catholic Church, you are making a serious commitment that only allows for divorce in rare occasions.  If you can’t get along with your spouse you can petition the church to have your marriage annulled, which means, the marriage was never legitimate. 

Apparently, the courts that decide whether a marriage should be annulled have been overwhelmed with cases. 
The pontiff said Vatican judges must not seek to satisfy "subjective demands" in order to arrive at an annulment "at any price."  What he’s saying is we need to make it tougher for couples to annul their marriages. 

I couldn’t agree more.  Studies have shown that when couples find it difficult to divorce they work harder on their marriage and overtime improve their relationships. 
So, the lesson here, is if you’re thinking about getting a divorce, spend the time working on your relationship.  In most cases, your marriage will improve. 

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Oh the trials of getting new TV service! 

For the last 14 years we have had the same cable company.  But lately we have been frustrated with everything, namely the increase in the fees and the service.  So, we made the decision to change service providers.  The new company came out recently to our house and installed a new system.  After the service man left, I sat down for a long afternoon of programming our favorite channels into speed dial. 

I ran across the playboy channels, and of course we didn’t subscribe to the channel, but it still came up on the screen with the option of getting it.  So I casually deleted it from the programming line-up.  I didn’t make a big deal of it.  I didn’t tell anyone, not even Lee Ann, I just removed it from view.  I didn’t commit the same mistake that a man I had counseled had made. 

When he deleted the programs he made an announcement to his family that the family could no longer watch soft porn on their televisions.  Well, the teenage boys in the family saw it as a challenge and a couple of weeks later the dad had come home to a room full of teenage boys watching exactly what they shouldn’t. 
Here are some guidelines: First, do what’s right, and second, don’t make a big deal about it.  Calling attention to it only causes people to question your motives. 

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