Money Matters in Marriage

Money problems boil down to two issues, lifestyle expectations and communication.

Statistics show that "nearly half of all marriages end in divorce —with the majority of these citing 'money problems' as the number-one factor in the breakup." ~Steve and Cindy Wright with Crown Financial

What most people label as money problems is actually something different. Money problems boil down to two issues, lifestyle expectations and communication.

Look at your lifestyle.
Early on in our marriage, Pam and I had to settle many financial issues in our hearts. We discussed how much debt was appropriate for us. We also discussed what kind of a lifestyle we needed to agree to. We agreed to live well within our means so that we could avoid unnecessary stress on our marriage. We also agreed to short term financial goals. Our plan really paid off! We exceeded most of our goals while living a cautious lifestyle. We found that most of our decisions were a result of our love for each other. I am convinced that if we get our hearts lined up properly, our finances won't be too far behind.

Look at the way you communicate.
Almost every problem in marriage can be linked to a breakdown in communication. A financial problem is no exception. I was helping a couple get through some struggles a couple of years ago. We will call them "Bill and Sally". Bill and Sally were in a heated argument because Bill was spending enormous amounts of money without Sally's knowledge. I asked Sally if there were an amount that she felt was appropriate for Bill to accept as a limit. She sat quiet for a few moments and then delivered a proposal for Bill to ponder. "Fifty dollars" she blurted out. She would be happy if Bill could agree to never spend more than fifty dollars without a conversation with her. Sally and I knew immediately that her proposal was soon to be rejected as Bill was shaking his head no with a scornful strain on his face. I then became the negotiator (auctioneer). I carefully interjected "Bill, if fifty dollars is too low, how much would you agree to?" Bill replied, "One hundred dollars is as low as I will go. I need to be able to buy things I need without checking in with my wife."

Sally quickly leaped on the opportunity to seal the deal. She agreed to the commitment, as it was a huge step forward. Just remember that financial strain in marriage can be avoided and solved by "healthy" communication. Perhaps you need a mentor couple that can help walk you through the process? If so, call Marriage Matters 1-877-866-IFPC (4372).

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