Healthy Marriage

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Mar 10th
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Articles

Hitched & Happy

Hitched & HappyLooking for a way to have some fun and strengthen your marriage at the same time?  Hitched & Happy is just what you're looking for!


 

Extreme Marriage Makeover Weekend

Extreme Marriage Makeover WeekendExtreme Marriage Makeover Weekends are intended for those couples whose marriages are seriously threatened, who have already filed for divorce or are actively considering separation or divorce.

What Really Makes a Marriage Happy

What Really Makes a Marriage HappyStudies in positive psychology reveal that the happiest couples emphasize the positivity in their marriages.

The "Michelangelo Phenomenon" in Marriage

The According to the “Michelangelo Phenomenon,” you and your spouse can sculpt each other, through affirmation and support, to more closely resemble your ideal selves. In doing this, you and your partner will be happier, as will your marriage.

The key to helping your mate achieve their ideal self is supporting them in a way that is consistent with what they dream of becoming.  In doing so, a relationship “functions better and both partners are happier,” says Eli Finkel, associate professor of psychology in the Weinberg College of Arts and Sciences at Northwestern University.

Summarizing this concept, Pat Vaughan Tremmel says,"Just as the sculptor chisels, carves and polishes away flaws in the stone to reveal the ideal form, so do skillful partners support their loved ones' dreams, aspirations and the traits they hope to develop, such as completing medical school or becoming more fluent in a second language or more sociable."

It is also important to note that couples can jeopardize their relationships by encouraging their partner to be something different from what they envision as their ideal self.  Therefore, get to know your spouse (or fiancé) so that they you can better understand who exactly that person wants to become.  This is especially important for those of you who are dating or engaged.  Learning who your sweetheart wants to be in 10 years will give you more insight to your life-long compatibility.

Finkel concludes, “When our partners can chisel and polish us in a way that helps us to achieve our ideal self, that's a wonderful thing." 


Source:  Tremmel, Pat Vaughan.  “Michelangelos Make Smart Lovers.”  Northwestern University News Center. December 16, 2009.

The Science of Love

The Science of Love

The mixture of science and love is familiar to most of us, as we commonly refer to physical attraction as “having chemistry."

Once Old Flame, Now Facebook Friend

Once Old Flame, Now Facebook Friend

Is your marriage safe from the temptations on Facebook?

No Time for Each Other: A Neglected Marriage

No Time for Each Other: A Neglected Marriage

Being married does not guarantee that you will get the quality time you want with your spouse.

Kids and Marriage, A Winning Combination

Kids and Marriage, A Winning Combination

New study finds that kids make a marriage happier.

Staying Emotionally Connected is Difficult in Marriage

Staying Emotionally Connected is Difficult in Marriage

The very nature of marriage makes staying emotionally connected difficult for couples.

Interracial Marriage, Challenges Couples Face

Interracial Marriage, Challenges Couples FaceMarriage and the challenges multiracial couples face with those who disapprove.

The New Best Gift: Time Together

The New Best Gift: Time Together

Consider giving your spouse the gift of time together this Valentine's Day.

Many couples buy each other gifts for Valentine's Day.  Some just buy candy and cards for the kids.  Whatever your shopping preference, consider shaking things up this year, and giving your spouse the fantastic gift of time together.


Think about it. During the holidays there are no shortages of events and activities that you can enjoy with the love of your life.  It is a romantic time of year, and you can be sure that a special evening together will be priceless.

Genna Cockerham, Marriage Feature Writer for Suite 101, offers several good points to consider about this kind of gift.  In her article, Give the Gift of Time Together this Year, she says that this can be done in a variety of ways:  Couples can choose an event or activity for each other, or they can pick one together.  

Indulge their personality
When deciding what event or experience you would like to share with your spouse this holiday, make sure to prioritize their personality.  If you don’t already know of some place they would love to go, thing they would like to do, or show they are dying to see, ask them.  Cockerham says that you should “allow this experience to fulfill a desire.”  This is a gift you are giving them, so make sure it is something that they will love.  Even if you aren’t crazy about the activity or event, embrace it anyway.  Get excited about it with them. Go and have fun!

Relive the past
Your spouse will love the gift of reliving a special memory of the past.  Just take them someplace they loved or give them the opportunity to do something special that they enjoyed doing in the past.  You can do something you did when you were first dating or even first married.  Cockerham explains that, “many interests that were enjoyed when dating or newlyweds can fall by wayside as responsibilities of a career and home grow.”

Escape together
Maybe your spouse has been so busy with kids or work that they have not had the chance to do what they only dream of doing.  Help your spouse escape from routine of life, and take them to do something that they have always wanted to do.  Even if you have to arrange a sitter for the kids, it will be worth the trouble. Escape with your sweetie for some enjoyable and fun time together. 

Source: suite101.com.
Genna Cockerham. "Give the Gift of Time Together this Year."

Reconnecting with your Spouse in 10 minutes a Day

Reconnecting with your Spouse in 10 minutes a Day
Improve and strengthen your marriage in just ten minutes a day.

Marriage Experts on How to Stay in Love

Marriage Experts on How to Stay in Love
Marriage Experts divulge eight ways to stay in love with your spouse.

Get marital conflict in control

Get marital conflict in control
Feel like your fights get out of control?  There is a better way to handle conflict with your spouse.

Revive enthusiasm for your marriage

Revive enthusiasm for your marriage
Lost your enthusiasm for your marriage?  Get it back!

Bring Intimacy Back to your Marriage

Bring Intimacy Back to your MarriageThe busyness and stress of  everyday life causes couples to let their relationship with their spouse go to the way side.  Busy couples tend to take one another for granted and their marriage forgoes regular attention and maintenance.  In the midst of this marital neglect, the intimacy of the relationship wanes.

Growing love in your marriage

Growing love in your marriage

It is possible to grow the love in your marriage.

How to Save Your Marriage after Infidelity

How to Save Your Marriage after InfidelityFew things damage a relationship to the extent of an extra-marital affair.  Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen discusses that once an affair has occurred, there are certain steps you can take to re-establish trust and build a stronger and better marriage.

Tips for talking sex

Tips for talking sex

Talking about sex with your spouse can be a pretty prickly subject.  Knowing how and when to bring it up, however, can help smooth along the conversation.  Jean Marie Lockwood, from Suite101.com, proposes practical tips to help you know how to bring up it up, and therefore making sex even better.

Sex, good for the body.

Sex, good for the body. Nearly everyday, we hear some news about what is and is not good for your health.  I’m sure that most people can name at least ten things off the top of their heads: Drink more water, use less salt, avoid trans-fats, and the list goes on.  Something you don’t hear a lot about is the fact that sex is good for your health.  Here are just a few facts about sex and health:

 

- Sex improves the sense of smell.  A hormone is released after sex that causes the production of neurons in the olfactory bulb (where your sense of smell is located). 

Know your spouse's money style.

Know your spouse's money style.Money issues are the number one reason why couples fight. It could be because spouses don't understand each other's money style.

Each person has a certain style in the way they approach money. One style has an attitude that money naturally comes their way. They have an uncanny way of making money. They don't necessarily work too hard at it, and they're not surprised when money comes their way. 

The Spender/Saver Marriage

Are you a spender, saver, builder, or giver? Which money attitude do you have? This article describes these four basic attitudes and effect they can have on marriage. Many marriages suffer from finance friction from time to time, but just because you and your spouse view money different doesnt mean your marriage has to end in divorce. The article provides seven helpful tips about how to discuss your money situation with your spouse and how to make a budget that both of you are happy with. As an added bonus, there is a quiz at the end of the article for you to discover what your money attitude is. Click here to read more.

How to Get Through the Recession Together

How to Get Through the Recession TogetherThis current recession can cause stress in marriages.  If you and your spouse are not comfortable talking about money, this economic crunch could have dire consequences on your relationship. Kit Yarrow, a professor at Golden Gate University and contributor to abcnews.com, offers five practical tips on how to weather the recession together and still maintain a healthy marriage. 

Sex: Be Willing Try

Sex: Be Willing TryPeople have different thoughts and desires about sex.  You may desire to try something that your spouse might not be interested in trying and vice versa.  If your spouse wants to try something different, open up your mind and just be willing to give it a try. If you don’t like it then that’s okay, you don’t have to try it again. But it means a lot that you are at least willing to give it a go at least once. You never know, you might just enjoy it.  Just keep one thing in mind, be respectful of your spouse and your marriage.

Sex in Marriage

Sex in MarriageSex for most people is hard-wired: “Doing what comes naturally.” So why is there so much dysfunction, and more importantly, how do we overcome dysfunction?  

Romance in Marriage

Romance in Marriage

The more marriages that I see slip into the abysmal realm of apparent helplessness, the more I am convinced that the road there was long, slippery, and not clearly marked.
When a couple reaches the end of that road, that is when they do one of three things: (1) live a life of marital misery; (2) get help; or (3) get a divorce.  A divorce is fairly easy to obtain these days. Throw a few dollars at the right attorney, and you are set. Of course, with any divorce, there will be at least some pain and stress involved.  Saving the marriage, another possibility, can be difficult as well. Saving a marriage requires a specific, strenuous decision and a lot of hard work.  The most desirable option, then, would be to prevent the marriage from traveling down that long, dark road in the first place.

So how do we do that? How do we keep a marriage, our own or any other, from slipping down that dark and dangerous road? At the risk of sounding overly simplistic, I believe a huge part of the answer is to keep the romance alive. Now, before you start sending me emails, let me say that I know there are many things that must be dealt with and maintained for a relationship to remain healthy, but let us face it: romance is the fuel that keeps the flame burning.  I never met a couple in their sunset years who said, “The one thing that kept us together was Frank’s paycheck.”

So if romance is the key, then just what is "romance?" I think romance is unique to each couple. I also think that it changes over the years.  I know that I intend to spend a lifetime finding out new ways to spark the romance with my wife. What works for us today did not work when we first got married, and what works now will not work in exactly the same way in another twenty years. It may not even work next week. Romance requires each person to be willing to put his or herself aside in order to make the other one happy. It requires two people to each endeavor on the same quest: to make the other happy. It is not expensive, and it is not cheap.  It is not difficult and it is not easy. Romance is simply the experience of love that fits a couple’s life in a given moment together.

Romance is very the thing that allows a couple to handle the stresses of life.  It is the seal that makes good on the promise of “for better or for worse.” It is the lock that binds “in sickness and in health.”  It is the magnet that brings a man and woman home to each other rather than seeking love and comfort in the arms of another.  Romance is what keeps one from traveling down that long, dark, and scary road.  I believe romance is a special gift that holds a couple together. Let romance thrive in your marriage.

Holiday Season Challenging for Marriage

Holiday Season Challenging for Marriage

In the bustle of the season,  it’s easy to forget about taking care of our marriages. When we get wrapped up in the many festivities, our spouse can be neglected.


A well-known Christmas song tells us it’s the most wonderful time of the year. I couldn’t agree more. The holiday season is my favorite time of the year. I love to see beautiful Christmas trees, eat mouth-watering treats, and celebrate with friends and family.

“There'll be parties for hosting, marshmallows for roasting, and caroling out in the snow,” the song claims. Holiday traditions like these can make lasting memories and can strengthen families. Time spent decorating sugar cookies with my family is a fond memory permanently etched in my mind.

Although the influx of activities during the holiday season can bring families together, it can also create divisions among married couples. Our December calendar gets busier with each passing year. Family, work, church and school activities fill evenings and weekends. Presents must be bought for everyone on the list, and food must be made to take to holiday parties. Christmas cards need to be sent out, and the driveway needs to be cleared of last night’s snowfall.

In the bustle of the season, it’s easy to forget about taking care of our marriages. When we get wrapped up in the many festivities, our spouse can be neglected. We can spend a great deal of time with family and friends but have very little one-on-one time with our spouse.

When my husband and I find ourselves coming and going, running from one event to the next, opportunities for miscommunication and conflict increase.

For example:

“You got a present for his teacher, right?”
“No, I thought you were going to pick it up yesterday.”

“I told you to do it last night. Now we have to run to the store and pick up a gift. We’re going to be late for the party. You know how I can’t stand being late.”

“Hey, don’t blame me. I never got that memo.”

Small conflicts like this can build and create a marital atmosphere that is not merry. It adds stress to a season that can be stressful.

In busy times, my husband and I have found it crucial to connect at some point during the day. This may mean talking over lunch, dinner or after the kids go to bed. It may mean a short, encouraging e-mail during the day. If we’re not on the same page, our marriage suffers, which will ultimately trickle down and affect our children.

When my husband and I stay connected through the busyness of the holiday season, we are much happier, and our home is more joyful.

The song I referred to earlier goes on to say, “There’ll be much mistletoe-ing, and hearts will be glowing when loved ones are near.” Here’s wishing this for you and your spouse this holiday season.

By: Contributing author, Leslie Anderson

Money Matters in Marriage

Money Matters in Marriage Money problems boil down to two issues, lifestyle expectations and communication.

Statistics show that "nearly half of all marriages end in divorce —with the majority of these citing 'money problems' as the number-one factor in the breakup." ~Steve and Cindy Wright with Crown Financial

What most people label as money problems is actually something different. Money problems boil down to two issues, lifestyle expectations and communication.

  1. Look at your lifestyle.
    Early on in our marriage, Pam and I had to settle many financial issues in our hearts. We discussed how much debt was appropriate for us. We also discussed what kind of a lifestyle we needed to agree to. We agreed to live well within our means so that we could avoid unnecessary stress on our marriage. We also agreed to short term financial goals. Our plan really paid off! We exceeded most of our goals while living a cautious lifestyle. We found that most of our decisions were a result of our love for each other. I am convinced that if we get our hearts lined up properly, our finances won't be too far behind.

  2. Look at the way you communicate.
    Almost every problem in marriage can be linked to a breakdown in communication. A financial problem is no exception. I was helping a couple get through some struggles a couple of years ago. We will call them "Bill and Sally". Bill and Sally were in a heated argument because Bill was spending enormous amounts of money without Sally's knowledge. I asked Sally if there were an amount that she felt was appropriate for Bill to accept as a limit. She sat quiet for a few moments and then delivered a proposal for Bill to ponder. "Fifty dollars" she blurted out. She would be happy if Bill could agree to never spend more than fifty dollars without a conversation with her. Sally and I knew immediately that her proposal was soon to be rejected as Bill was shaking his head no with a scornful strain on his face. I then became the negotiator (auctioneer). I carefully interjected "Bill, if fifty dollars is too low, how much would you agree to?" Bill replied, "One hundred dollars is as low as I will go. I need to be able to buy things I need without checking in with my wife."
Sally quickly leaped on the opportunity to seal the deal. She agreed to the commitment, as it was a huge step forward. Just remember that financial strain in marriage can be avoided and solved by "healthy" communication. Perhaps you need a mentor couple that can help walk you through the process? If so, call Marriage Matters 1-877-866-IFPC (4372).