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Consider giving your spouse the gift of time together this Valentine's Day.

Many couples buy each other gifts for Valentine's Day.  Some just buy candy and cards for the kids.  Whatever your shopping preference, consider shaking things up this year, and giving your spouse the fantastic gift of time together.

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Each person has a certain style in the way they approach money. One style has an attitude that money naturally comes their way. They have an uncanny way of making money. They don't necessarily work too hard at it, and they're not surprised when money comes their way. 

The more marriages that I see slip into the abysmal realm of apparent helplessness, the more I am convinced that the road there was long, slippery, and not clearly marked.
When a couple reaches the end of that road, that is when they do one of three things: (1) live a life of marital misery; (2) get help; or (3) get a divorce.  A divorce is fairly easy to obtain these days. Throw a few dollars at the right attorney, and you are set. Of course, with any divorce, there will be at least some pain and stress involved.  Saving the marriage, another possibility, can be difficult as well. Saving a marriage requires a specific, strenuous decision and a lot of hard work.  The most desirable option, then, would be to prevent the marriage from traveling down that long, dark road in the first place.

So how do we do that? How do we keep a marriage, our own or any other, from slipping down that dark and dangerous road? At the risk of sounding overly simplistic, I believe a huge part of the answer is to keep the romance alive. Now, before you start sending me emails, let me say that I know there are many things that must be dealt with and maintained for a relationship to remain healthy, but let us face it: romance is the fuel that keeps the flame burning.  I never met a couple in their sunset years who said, “The one thing that kept us together was Frank’s paycheck.”

So if romance is the key, then just what is "romance?" I think romance is unique to each couple. I also think that it changes over the years.  I know that I intend to spend a lifetime finding out new ways to spark the romance with my wife. What works for us today did not work when we first got married, and what works now will not work in exactly the same way in another twenty years. It may not even work next week. Romance requires each person to be willing to put his or herself aside in order to make the other one happy. It requires two people to each endeavor on the same quest: to make the other happy. It is not expensive, and it is not cheap.  It is not difficult and it is not easy. Romance is simply the experience of love that fits a couple’s life in a given moment together.

Romance is very the thing that allows a couple to handle the stresses of life.  It is the seal that makes good on the promise of “for better or for worse.” It is the lock that binds “in sickness and in health.”  It is the magnet that brings a man and woman home to each other rather than seeking love and comfort in the arms of another.  Romance is what keeps one from traveling down that long, dark, and scary road.  I believe romance is a special gift that holds a couple together. Let romance thrive in your marriage.

In the bustle of the season,  it’s easy to forget about taking care of our marriages. When we get wrapped up in the many festivities, our spouse can be neglected.

“There'll be parties for hosting, marshmallows for roasting, and caroling out in the snow,” the song claims. Holiday traditions like these can make lasting memories and can strengthen families. Time spent decorating sugar cookies with my family is a fond memory permanently etched in my mind.

Although the influx of activities during the holiday season can bring families together, it can also create divisions among married couples. Our December calendar gets busier with each passing year. Family, work, church and school activities fill evenings and weekends. Presents must be bought for everyone on the list, and food must be made to take to holiday parties. Christmas cards need to be sent out, and the driveway needs to be cleared of last night’s snowfall.

In the bustle of the season, it’s easy to forget about taking care of our marriages. When we get wrapped up in the many festivities, our spouse can be neglected. We can spend a great deal of time with family and friends but have very little one-on-one time with our spouse.

When my husband and I find ourselves coming and going, running from one event to the next, opportunities for miscommunication and conflict increase.

For example:

“You got a present for his teacher, right?”
“No, I thought you were going to pick it up yesterday.”

“I told you to do it last night. Now we have to run to the store and pick up a gift. We’re going to be late for the party. You know how I can’t stand being late.”

“Hey, don’t blame me. I never got that memo.”

Small conflicts like this can build and create a marital atmosphere that is not merry. It adds stress to a season that can be stressful.

In busy times, my husband and I have found it crucial to connect at some point during the day. This may mean talking over lunch, dinner or after the kids go to bed. It may mean a short, encouraging e-mail during the day. If we’re not on the same page, our marriage suffers, which will ultimately trickle down and affect our children.

When my husband and I stay connected through the busyness of the holiday season, we are much happier, and our home is more joyful.

The song I referred to earlier goes on to say, “There’ll be much mistletoe-ing, and hearts will be glowing when loved ones are near.” Here’s wishing this for you and your spouse this holiday season.

By: Contributing author, Leslie Anderson

What most people label as money problems is actually something different. Money problems boil down to two issues, lifestyle expectations and communication.

1. Look at your lifestyle.
   Early on in our marriage, Pam and I had to settle many financial issues in our hearts. We discussed how much debt was appropriate for us. We also discussed what kind of a lifestyle we needed to agree to. We agreed to live well within our means so that we could avoid unnecessary stress on our marriage. We also agreed to short term financial goals. Our plan really paid off! We exceeded most of our goals while living a cautious lifestyle. We found that most of our decisions were a result of our love for each other. I am convinced that if we get our hearts lined up properly, our finances won't be too far behind.


2. Look at the way you communicate.
   Almost every problem in marriage can be linked to a breakdown in communication. A financial problem is no exception. I was helping a couple get through some struggles a couple of years ago. We will call them "Bill and Sally". Bill and Sally were in a heated argument because Bill was spending enormous amounts of money without Sally's knowledge. I asked Sally if there were an amount that she felt was appropriate for Bill to accept as a limit. She sat quiet for a few moments and then delivered a proposal for Bill to ponder. "Fifty dollars" she blurted out. She would be happy if Bill could agree to never spend more than fifty dollars without a conversation with her. Sally and I knew immediately that her proposal was soon to be rejected as Bill was shaking his head no with a scornful strain on his face. I then became the negotiator (auctioneer). I carefully interjected "Bill, if fifty dollars is too low, how much would you agree to?" Bill replied, "One hundred dollars is as low as I will go. I need to be able to buy things I need without checking in with my wife."