Closing the divide between you

Married but feel like roommates? Here are a couple things you can do to close the divide between you.

Have you allowed your frustrations to build up and cause you to resent your spouse and maybe even love them less? Brian Tubbs, a contributing writer for suite101.com, gives couples who are in a troubled marriage an action plan to help them get their marriage back on the right path. Your marriage can begin to recover today if you begin to make a consistent effort in these ways:

Make the decision to love your spouse. Even if you feel like you are not in love with your spouse anymore, choose to love them anyway. Tubbs quotes author and marriage counselor Gary Smalley, “Love is not an emotion, love is not a feeling, love is not happen-stance. Love is a decision!" Choosing to love your spouse will change your attitude and actions towards your spouse. This will positively affect your relationship.

Forgive your spouse. This may be very difficult to do, but your marriage will never be able to move forward if you choose not to forgive them for their faults and past offenses. Stop holding grudges and let go of the past. Remember that everyone is human and makes mistakes. Forgive them and free yourself of the negative thoughts you’ve been harboring towards them.

Show your spouse love each day. Now that you have chosen to love them and to forgive them, put your choices into actions. Tell them you love them. Compliment them. Show your appreciation for them with hugs and kiss.

Communicate love to your spouse in their language. Tubbs suggests learning your spouse's "love language," a concept developed by Chapman who describes these love languages as words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, quality time, and physical touch. One of these five things will speak love to your spouse more loudly than all the others. Which one speaks love to you and makes you feel loved most? Acts of service? Physical touch? Take time to talk to your spouse and learn what makes them feel loved.

Once you and your spouse have agreed to work on making these positive changes in your marriage, Tubbs suggests that you seek out some kind of marriage education. Even though the action plan above will get your marriage back on the right track, you still may need some fine tuning that will further improve your marriage and strengthen its foundation.

Source: suite101.com. “Tips for Troubled Marriages: Suggestions to Improve Husband-Wife Relationships.” Brian Tubbs

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