Is your marriage safe from the temptations on Facebook?
You may have thought that after you broke up with your girlfriend or boyfriend ages ago that you would most likely never see or hear from them again. The same goes for that guy you had a summer fling with at camp or the girl you dated in college. You had your fun together and after it was over, moved on with your life.
Now you’re married, have kids, and a Facebook profile. Those old flames are married too, and some of them may or may not have kids. The big question is: How can you enjoy Facebook and not put your marriage at risk by reuniting with former sweethearts? Is it possible, and if so, how is it done?
Jason and Kelli Krafsky offer valuable tips for couples in their forthcoming book, Facebook and your Marriage. If you’re interested in purchasing this book, don’t run to the corner bookstore just yet. It isn’t set to hit the shelves until February, 2010. In the meanwhile, we can preview a few things the Krafskys suggest to couples, thanks to a Houston-based psychotherapist, Mary Jo Rapinin, who posted some tips from the new book in her blog post, “Guides for Healthy Marriages on Facebook.”
Have some boundaries. You and your spouse need to set some boundaries when it comes to relationships with opposite-sex friends. Some couples are more liberal in this area, and others play it safe. Whatever you choose to do, make sure you’re making decisions that are good for your marriage. For instance, are you going to befriend your childhood sweetheart on Facebook? And if you do, what happens when you get an intimate message from them, and they are married!? You can’t expect others to respect your marriage. Make smart choices instead of relying on others to make them for you.
Set your relationship status on “Married,” and keep it there. You and your spouse might be separated in real life or having difficulties in your marriage, but there’s no need to advertise it to the world. Keep your relationship status as “Married.” This will prevent unwanted comments from friends and family, and it will also protect you and your spouse and your children from embarrassment. There’s something to be said about being discreet when it comes to your marriage. In case you’re wondering, here’s the definition of discretion:
Discretion, n. - the quality of behaving or speaking in such a way as to avoid social embarrassment or distress (thefreedictionary.com).
It is tempting to out your spouse when they are behaving badly, but seriously, are you going to treat your marriage the same way that tabloids and news networks treat celebrity marriages, with no consideration for privacy or personal life? Whatever you do, don’t make a bad situation worse with your behavior on Facebook.
Exchange usernames and passwords. Allowing your spouse access to your Facebook account is not only a good idea for safety/emergency reasons, but it is also a way to build trust and maintain accountability.
To learn more about marriage etiquette on Facebook, pick up a copy of Facebook and your Marriage this February.
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