No Time for Each Other: A Neglected Marriage

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Being married does not guarantee that you will get the quality time you want with your spouse. Many couples can relate to that statement, especially those who stay busy with work, family, religious activities, and friends. For those who find alone time with their spouse somewhat of an illusion, you may want to take a look at how you prioritize your marriage, scale back on your commitments, and be proactive about spending time with your spouse.

Married couples overestimate the strength of their marriage, and therefore do not prioritize spending time with each other. They think that they can neglect spending quality time with their spouse and not suffer any consequences (or maybe they are not aware that there will be consequences). They prioritize children, family, work, and even friends before they do spending time with their spouse, and after a while, this takes a toll on their marriage. To avoid this situation in your marriage, make sure that you and your spouse understand that it is very important for you to make time for yourselves. Stop putting your marriage last and start making quality time together a priority each week.

It is noble to want to do things for others, work hard, and make every wish of your child come true, but it is not noble when it comes at the expense of your marriage. Make sure you are spending more than enough quality time with your husband or wife. Otherwise, you risk growing apart, and not only will you feel disconnected from each other, but you will begin to resent that fact that you never get to spend time alone together. This will cause you to be defensive and impatient with your spouse, and ultimately make your spouse not want to spend time with you. Dr. William F. Harley of Marriage Builders attests, “Most spouses fail to give each other enough of their time each week. It not only accounts for failure to meet important emotional needs, it also creates a great deal of emotional discomfort. It could easily be argued that the lack of time in marriage may be one of the greatest causes of loss of love, and subsequent divorce.” If you and your spouse don’t have enough time for each other, you may have to choose some things to sacrifice in order to change your situation. Think about it this way: Sacrifice for your marriage. Don’t sacrifice your marriage.

To ensure quality time with your spouse you have to make it happen. Life will find ways to keep you and your spouse from being together and enjoying each other’s company. Therefore you and your spouse need to take initiative and not wait for life to give you a “chance” to be alone together. Schedule to have lunch together one day each week, and set it up in your calendar to be a regularly occurring event. Enjoy an evening out together twice a month. Hire a baby-sitter to watch the kids for a couple of hours while you are at home. Also, take advantage of any opportunity you have to talk together and be affectionate towards your husband or wife.

If your marriage is suffering due to neglect, take some drastic actions to make your marriage healthy and strong once again. Go away together on a retreat, for starters. Then, consider relieving yourself of some of your commitments and committing to spending more time together. Remember, that’s why you got married in the first place, to be together.

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